Usher got the words right

Change, brokenness and loss come in different forms and to varying degrees. How about right now? At the very least, the pandemic has brought change and feelings of fear, anxiety and disappointment. There is more than one way to be shaken in life.

I ruptured my Achilles tendon on Friday, March 11, 2011 at 12:35pm.  There are a few time stamps in life that you just don’t forget. It was toward the end of an intense work out with a personal trainer.  Just a few minutes earlier, I had been on my back doing sit ups while J Lo sang convincingly through the sound system to, “break a sweat on the floor, yeah we work on the floor!”  I felt inspired!

After J Lo faded out, Usher joined me as I got up and started a step-up, step-back lunge thing.  I was feeling great.  After this session, I only had one more workout left in the package with my trainer.  I begged him to let me box for my final session in the coming week, even though it wasn’t part of the plan.  He succumbed, and I was looking forward to next week already.

So, there I am, five minutes remaining in my second to last workout.  Usher said through the speakers that I make him want to say, “oh,oh,oh oh, – oh,oh,oh,oh,oh, – oh,oh,oh,oh,oh” and then together we said “oh my gosh!”   And suddenly, I am back down on the floor, without J Lo!

That Achilles tendon rupture stymies the mind.  Every persons’ description is different and yet the same.  Many describe hearing a loud pop.  Fortunately, for me, Usher disguised that sound.  What I did experience is confusion. 

My brain couldn’t compute the sensation in my calf.  It told me that a weight, which I knew was on the floor behind me, had fallen onto the back of my leg.  “Who dropped that weight on me?” I asked my trainer.  He replied, “what? did you twist your ankle?”  I looked at him, then I looked at my foot which was hanging like a limp rag from my leg, and I said, “nope, I am pretty sure I just blew out my Achilles!”

I left my workout with my trainer convincing me that I had not ruptured my Achilles tendon, because I had no pain.  He said it would be unbearable!  He suggested rest and told me he would call on Monday to check in. 

I drove home, using my right foot, of course; the one I had just injured.  It was only a mile to get home.  Town streets, no problem.  I pulled into the driveway toward my partner, Tim, working in the garden.  He waved and I stopped the car as I approached him near the driveway.  I said, “Honey, I think I did something really bad.”

Now, I know there was no joy in Tim’s heart for my situation.  Tim was a Physician and he knew immediately what lay ahead better than I did.  But I can’t help but recall a slight smug look on Tim’s face at my pronouncement.  After all, who could blame him?  When I had left the house an hour earlier, I boasted about how this would be my fifth workout of the week, one for each day – three yoga classes and two sessions with the trainer.  Look at me, look at me, I feel so good!  He said his workout would be gardening, and I jokingly peered down my nose at him.

So now, here we are.  He had dirt under his nails and a tan, and I had a foot dangling from my leg!

Within 30 minutes I was in my GP’s office.  He confirmed that yes, in fact, my Achilles tendon was completely blown.  My GP, who also happened to be my next-door neighbor and good friend, said very candidly to me – “you know this isn’t good, right?”

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I have been consistently active my whole life – volleyball, competitive cheer, running, hiking, yoga.  I am a lover of the outdoors and am up for any yard game.  I am competitive.

I took a very deep breath, a slow exhale, and dropped a few tears.  And that is when I realized this was not just a physical injury. Some deep learning was about to come my way.