My Heart is Riding Shotgun

Outward support is tangible, easy to recognize, and to acknowledge. If we are fortunate, we have good friends and family who do and say things to help us. This isn’t just when times are tough, but regularly and consistently. That’s one of the reasons we all keep one another around. During the recent pandemic, we…

Spending this past winter in North Carolina was important to me. A friend recently asked, what was your goal during that time? Good question. What I knew for sure was that I needed to get back to the community that Tim and I had been a part of for 15 years. It was an important…

I’m fine. It’s not a great question. And it’s an even worse answer.  “How are you?” It’s just a typical greeting. We do it every day without much thought to the question or the response. But after you lose someone, it takes on a new meaning. And the person asking says it with a different…

I am a very focused person. I make lists. I write agendas. I put plans in place well in advance. I am always early. And I have a great sense of direction. Grief put me in a daze.  Strangely enough, I was fully functioning. I was taking action. And to anyone observing me, I was…

I bought a journal the day after Tim died. One year ago today. It was the only thing I was moved to do. I remember standing in Barnes and Noble, in a daze, scanning the wall for the right one. The most important journal I would ever have. I picked up the only one that…

Why Colorado? Everyone asked. We were ready for something new. We love the outdoors, the mountains, the sunshine. It seemed to be the place that could please both of us. However, as much as we wanted it, and as much as we planned for it, it was a tough time. We were going through a…

Sitting in grief. Cracked wide open. Vulnerable to feel everything. And that is exactly where I wanted to stay. As I participated in this grieving process, I felt invisible around strangers. In public, I felt like no one could see me, because there is this entity that had taken me over. And no stranger knows…

Crossing the state line from Kansas to Colorado was the most emotional moment of the road trip. There it was, that very spot where the three of us stopped and documented our arrival in the Centennial Sate nearly 11 months earlier. As the sign streamed by the passenger window, I literally said out loud, “what…

I love to drive. I am a terrible passenger, in part, because I am susceptible to motion sickness. So, focusing on the road ahead keeps me comfortable. Tim and I drove from North Carolina to Colorado in July 2018, accompanied by our furry little man, Hank. The intent was to stay for 6 weeks and…

Sustaining an injury such as an Achilles tendon rupture stinks. But it is not life threatening nor is the situation permanent. Let’s keep that in mind.  I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t drive. I couldn’t get in the shower. I couldn’t do household chores. But it was all temporary. Unfortunately, relinquishing chores was very temporary. After…