Gold stars and spaghetti

I learned something in third grade that had a lasting effect on me. At that time, it was called PMA. In my memory, it was a theme for the entire year, but in reality, it may have been a brief part of the lesson plan. But I do remember lighting up when I learned what it was and how it made me feel when I applied it or noticed it in others. I even earned gold stars for it and the grand prize was dinner at my teacher’s house. I recall there were five of us who earned the privilege to go for homecooked spaghetti and meatballs. Mrs. Gayle Aylsworth taught me about Positive Mental Attitude.

I am not going to pretend that I am always on point. Many of you reading this would certainly be able to call me out on that. But the lesson of PMA has stayed with me. It’s why I will tell you that Mrs. Aylsworth was my most adored teacher and why third grade was my favorite school year. Now as an adult with many years of living since exiting that little classroom at Butler Elementary, PMA translates for me, to the act of keeping my eye on feelings of gratitude even in the toughest of times.

You may think the word gratitude is overused. Perhaps. But when you feel it, isn’t verbalizing it part of what you have to do? On the other hand, if you express it AND it is overused, does that make you less grateful? It’s like overusing the expression of love. If I love cherry pie, and sunny days, and lilacs, how do I also love my Mom and Hank? And how is it fair to express love to a person using those three words when 30 minutes ago, I said I love my new hiking shoes? It’s a conundrum.

In truth, sometimes, I am feeling so grateful that merely saying I am doesn’t seem like enough. Sometimes saying I love you, doesn’t seem like enough either.

This reminds me that maybe we don’t have all the necessary words in our language. They are certainly not all that matters, and actions are an opportunity to express so much more.

So how does gratitude show up in actions?

• Respect. Showing respect toward that thing or person for which I am grateful. This may include physical or emotional support. So, if I am grateful for the beautiful Colorado mountains where I hike every week, I must treat them with reverence in all ways. Don’t walk where I shouldn’t walk; leave them as I found them; educate others who may not understand how to treat them.
• Acceptance. Accepting what I cannot change, whatever it is. Instead of resisting, find what I can appreciate or learn from it. I can still make choices to change things that aren’t working for me, but I first must accept what is. And if I do this, then any action I take to change it, comes from a positive place, not out of resistance. I move forward with a whole different energy. Even a feeling of gratitude for something I don’t truly like. .
• Presence. Be in it. The fastest way out of joy is projecting into a future moment that I might think promises something more. The future is driven by the ego because it makes me WANT what I don’t YET have. And when this happens, I am not appreciating what I DO have.
• Impermanence. Honor it. Everyone and everything have a lifespan. I can’t hold onto something or someone so tightly and hope it will always be there. Today, I appreciate my health, but I also know that tomorrow, I may be facing an injury, a virus or a devastating disease. There is absolutely nothing “in my possession” or that is part of my life today that couldn’t be taken away from me. And that includes people.
• F**k fear. What is more suffocating than fear? It could hold me back more than any other emotion. Fear tells me that I had better be careful, not be too happy, because this thing or person I am grateful for could be gone tomorrow. If I am honoring impermanence, I cannot fear it. I can’t let fear have that power, because it can completely destroy gratitude.

I guess at the end of the day, the words aren’t what matters. I can live in gratitude by showing respect, acceptance for what I can’t change, remaining present, honoring impermanence, and f**king fear. But forgive me if once in a while I use words to express my gratitude for a moment, a person, a thing, an experience. I am not trying to demonstrate that my life is perfect or that I am okay and you shouldn’t worry about me. And I am not saying it in order to earn a gold star and a spaghetti dinner. I am saying it because I feel it. I know the words gratitude and love and all their derivatives may be overused but feeling and experiencing them is certainly not overrated.