Find your sun

I got my first tattoo at age 24. It’s a sun. My favorite color is yellow. My favorite flower is a sunflower. And my favorite day is sunny. When it’s warm enough, I will always choose to be outdoors, and there is rarely such a thing as too warm. I will exercise in it. I will read in it. I will dine in it. When I have a choice, I will chase the sun until it sets.

Sunshine does influence my mood. It warms me from the inside out.

Outdoors, in the sun, is also my preferred location for writing. The glare on my computer screen makes it nearly impossible to see what I am typing. I guess that’s okay, because I have a bad habit of looking at the keys anyway. When it’s time to proof, I squint and shift the angle of the display. All of this slows me down. But, I can’t be bothered, because I feel the warmth.

Tim didn’t feel the same as me about heat. He would remind me that he is as Eastern European as any Eastern European. If it was too hot, he would get cranky.

One year on July 4^th, we had guests visiting us for the week at our mountain cabin. Our outdoor dining table was on the back deck, which got all the afternoon sun. Tim had been cooking all day, the main attraction being his Ribs. On this occasion he had even made three unique BBQ sauces which would be judged in a blind taste test with our meal.

It was already hot and humid, and with the outdoor table blazing in the sun, Tim wanted to eat in the dining room. Indoors on July 4^th? No way! I needed a Plan C. My compromise was to get the table out of the sun. When it came time to prepare to eat, I declared we should simply move the outdoor dining table to the front porch which was covered and shaded. With some reluctance on the part of everyone but me, we all lugged the table and chairs from the back deck, through the house, to the front porch. Yes, it was a clunky effort. But how gracious for everyone to humor me.

Tim loved to tell this story as an example of my passion for being outdoors whenever possible.  I think it even became the big fish story. The more he told it, the heavier the furniture got and the hotter was the day.

So, yes, I admit it, I am a little obsessed with being outdoors feeling cloaked by the rays of the sun. So, with a bit of irony, I was recently inspired by a quote that was stenciled on the wall in the Denver Art Museum. And I was at the museum on that specific day only because it was cold and cloudy. The kind of day that will keep me inside.

A single sunbeam is enough to drive away many shadows – St. Francis of Assisi

I read this and stood in reflection, and the thought that came to me was, find your sun.

Dark exists in this world.  We all have personal dark. Some days, months, years may be very dark. Fear can also be a place of dark. Crushing and suffocating.  I read somewhere that fear holds onto us as a constant reminder that there is work to be done. Fear holds the keys to doors we have been wanting to open.

I know that I am beyond fortunate. I don’t suffer from medical depression. I don’t suffer from addiction. I don’t suffer from chronic pain. I can usually choose to get out of the grey or the dark or work through the fear and get back into the light. But even to do that, I need to make the choice and do the work. Knowing myself, what makes me feel alive, what can shift me to a better place, is all a part of it.

Where does that single sunbeam exist? Is it in the smile of your grandchild? In the soft fur of your dog? Is it in a book? Is it on your bike? Is it in the trees?

For me, the light is truly in the sun. Find your sun. Whatever it is. Because If your day is dark, you will need that sunbeam to drive away the shadows.