A sandwich of strangers

I’m an introvert and typically get most energized by my solo time.  Generally, I’m an observer of others. I think through things before I speak and will only share if I believe there is something important to add.  For all of these reasons, writing suits me well.

But I’ve also had a long career that puts me in front of large groups, as a trainer and a teacher. Being face to face with strangers is part of the territory.

It confuses some people to know that I’m an introvert and yet I enjoy having that presenter spotlight on me. But it’s actually a good place for introverts to land. It provides an opportunity for distance and control, which feels safe. Standing at the lectern, so to speak, is a comfortable spot from which to observe and also fulfill my need to be in the presence of others on my own terms.

Tim was also an introvert. But we generally went about our quietness and our caution in different ways. Tim was typically anxious about being in front of groups. I was so proud to see him perform cooking demonstrations with twenty five people having eyes and taste buds peeled on him. It was a hurdle and a big accomplishment for Tim.

He actually preferred engaging on an individual basis. He found all kinds of people interesting. He truly could talk on any subject and he was charming. That was a comfortable place for him. He also sought approval from people. This was a dominant personality trait, and I believe it felt easier for him to find it with strangers. His bedside manner also fulfilled these safe connections. Of course, he always had the attention of the patient’s family, as well as the patient, until he put them to sleep, that is.

We all find ways to fulfill our need for connection either as introverts or extroverts. And sometimes we may feel brave enough to push our limits on our methods. Testing ourselves. Wondering what the reward may be. This year I decided to travel to Europe. I wanted to do some of it on my own, but not all.  I chose 4 days solo and 6 days with an organized group through Backroads Travel. Ten days in France with solo time on the front and back end. A sandwich of strangers.  

After two days of roaming the streets of Aix-en-Provence on my own, I was excited for the next phase. Our meeting point was a Sunday morning at the Central train station. I walked a mile from my hotel with my roller bag (carry-on, as you already know!) and small backpack. Arriving early, I stood to the side and watched from a distance. I first spotted two ladies relaxing on a bench, easily conversing with one another. I knew immediately they were part of my group – they were wearing Backroads t-shirts!  Knowing I was in the right place, or at least the same place as a few others, I sat back and waited. Ultimately, they were found by one of our guides. I eaves dropped on the conversation for a bit and only approached after seeing two more women join in. Ultimately, we became a group of nine- seven travelers and two guides. We had a very full itinerary including van rides, boat rides, hiking, eating, and absorbing the French history and culture of Provence and the Riviera.

I was a bit of an outsider, which I had already anticipated as a solo traveler. With us were 3 pairs of best friends. I loved seeing their connections and ultimately being welcomed into those friendships. We also had two incredible guides. All women. It didn’t take long to move past strangers.

There are many studies that say relationships and connections with other humans are one of the greatest needs we must fulfill to ensure happiness in this life. On a trip like this, it is easy to understand how and why. The connections and conversations became as important as the surroundings and the adventure. And yet, there are so many who are getting it all wrong.  Every day. I mean every single day, we have a chance to connect in even a small way that can at least bring a smile to another person’s face.  Maybe not even a literal smile, but one in the heart. This may be the easiest thing we could do for one another to experience greater happiness than sadness, anger, jealousy, anxiety, and the misguided notions of “I’m not good enough,” or “I don’t deserve to be happy.” It’s as simple as finding a way to say, “I see you.”

Six days with strangers and I have added eight more wonderful humans to my bank of life connections. We may never talk again. Or see each other again. But, perhaps we will. And either way is okay. Aren’t we just lucky to have had the opportunity to make each other laugh. To witness each other’s pain. To share each other’s questions about life, love, family, and yes, even politics. And to wonder, together, how on earth the French baguette is so extraordinary and how will we ever get by without it after returning home?!