One more ride

My mom, Sharon, passed away on November 24, 2023. This is the same date, November 24, on which her own mother died 57 years earlier. We only learned of this synchronicity a few days after Mom’s death. It amazed me. It, somehow, comforted me.  And it made me reflect, even more, on what had been happening the prior month.

There is a belief that loved ones, who have already passed, often come to call on the living when it’s time for them to leave their physical body.  This is accounted for by hospice workers, death doulas, and others who have an opportunity to witness end of life. I believe that Mom had at least a few visitors.

Mom had been living with dementia for three years, and we had placed her under hospice care in October 2023. She was not bedridden nor in a physical state that one often thinks of a patient under hospice care. But she became eligible for hospice after multiple falls and confirmed blood clots in her lungs. We were grateful for the extra layer of care to avoid stressful and confusing hospital transfers and to help Mom be more comfortable in her memory care unit.

During Mom’s last few months, weeks, and especially in those last few days of life, she mentioned loved ones who had passed as if they were there with her. On repeat was her brother Darrell and sister-in-law Marge. They lived around the corner her entire adult life until they both passed in 2017.  She began saying things like, “Marge and Darrell are coming to pick me up.”

As Mom’s dementia progressed, she rarely, if ever, referenced anything specific from her past. She never reverted to a younger self that we witnessed. She mostly was only capable of being in the moment. At the same time, she was often disoriented about the present, as she was unable to retain new information such as what happened a day ago or five minutes ago. Sometimes, when she spoke, her sentences didn’t make much sense to us.  Occasionally, it sounded like she was referencing another language in her mind.  And when Mom began referring to her siblings, my sister and I felt that these were not memories. Somewhere, somehow, she was receiving communication from them in the present.

When I learned of the “coincidence” surrounding Mom’s death date, I realized, it was likely she had a special visitor 24 hours before her death.

Mom passed suddenly 24 hours later.  We were not expecting it so soon. Most likely it was another blood clot.  Knowing what we know now, it is my very strong belief that her own mother was communicating with her and that energy was present during my sister’s visit.

Keep tracking with me, because there is one more powerful synchronicity to all of this.  About an hour before Mom’s passing, my niece Whitney who was spending the day with her own mom, Jackie, commented that the back of her head felt bruised. She was trying to recall if she had hit her head at some point. Then 5 weeks later, Whitney went to the ER with an unbearable multi-day headache and was soon diagnosed with a cancerous tumor in her skull.

I believe, with as much certainty as I can, that my mom was led out quickly and suddenly by her own mother to make room for all of us to focus on my niece. Mom, whose health needs required 24/7 attention for nearly three years, made space for Whitney.  She had a very close relationship with Whitney and was to become part of the team that would care for her in only the way that she could at this point – as Whitney’s angel.

Obviously, I don’t have any answers about how the universe works, about a higher power, about where we come from or where we go. I believe there is not just one way. As we live in varying ways, we die in varying ways. I would imagine there are endless adaptations on the other side, wherever that is. 

I know that having a family was Mom’s purpose on this Earth. It was her reason for being. She was predestined to love her family to the very end until her own mother, Fern Ollie, showed up, opened the door and escorted her into the back seat of Marge and Darrell’s car for one more ride.