The other side of the bridge

Did anyone notice this blog is posted two weeks later than my usual schedule? Thank you to the three people who checked in with me about it. And the rest of you, I still truly appreciate you. (haha!) As I’ve said before, these are my self-imposed deadlines. But it’s the first one I’ve missed in four years. If you know me, you know that bothers me! I like a deadline, and I’m not a procrastinator. But, I am not above bumping something into the future that I just don’t have the energy for. It’s occasionally a necessity.

Like, have you ever said, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it? What was the circumstance?

• Not having the capacity or desire to deal with “it,”
• or, knowing how to prioritize and it just didn’t require immediate attention.

These are viable reasons.

What may also be perfectly valid is not being willing to cross the bridge just yet, because not everything comes to fruition. So why invest time and energy now? Things can change.

But there are things we do invest in now for future possibilities. In part, that’s what furthering our education is all about, isn’t it?  Preparing us for the future with skills and knowledge that we may or may not need or use some day.

What if we added Grief Education to the list of things we do now. Afterall, it is something we will experience in our lifetime if we live long enough. Unfortunately, we are provided unwanted opportunities to explore a variety of losses at many stages while on this earth. So maybe it’s not too soon to step onto that bridge.

I have observed as a grief educator, it’s quite common to lack the desire to learn about grief if we don’t have to. Is there a subconscious fear in getting too close to it? Is it a desire to keep a distance from something that it seems we don’t need now? And honestly, it’s just not a fun subject.

I do think there is a benefit to at least building a little grief muscle though. There will be opportunities to exercise it even without the loss of life of someone close to you. There are many kinds of loss swirling around us where we can apply our grief skills – job loss, break ups, and other unexpected or unwanted life changes.

And even if we are not in the direct path of loss, we can learn to better understand how to support someone who is. Ahhhh, the mistakes I made before I knew better. I vow not to repeat them.

So, I hope you may consider learning about grief before you think you need to. If you read my blog, you already have, and I am so pleased by that. Maybe you will dive a bit deeper. Read a book. Listen to a podcast. Attend a workshop. I can almost guarantee there is, regularly, a person in our orbit who would benefit by knowing that someone understands the experience of grief. It may be a co-worker, a neighbor, a student, an acquaintance, or a stranger. It could be the person who serves your table at dinner who could barely get out of bed that day because they just lost their partner, parent, sibling, friend, or beloved pet.

Up until the last few years, to me, loss looked a lot like sadness and tears. Acknowledging my loved one was gone. Gaining some closure and moving forward with my life. I never knew how complicated it could really be. I know that now. I’ve experienced it. I’ve witnessed it. It is complex and varied and there is more than just the tears we see on the surface. 

There are people experiencing great loss every day. And there are people surviving it. Remember, grief is not a bad thing. What has happened to cause the grief is a bad thing. Committing to learn about grief, sooner rather than later, doesn’t mean you will go to a place from which you can never return. It means you are on a learning path, yes perhaps to another land, but one where the outcome is that you will feel a little more compassion for others, and perhaps even less fear about what’s on the other side of the bridge.